I have squirrels

Thoughts on going back to work, nursing school, and life.

I love this quote by Lori Hetteen. It so perfectly sums up how I feel these days.

“I do not have ducks. Or a row. I have squirrels. And they’re at a rave.”

Being a “working mom” is no joke. It’s tough and there are days when the guilt eats me up. On the one hand, I love my job. I love going to work, doing big girl stuff, being around other grown-ups. But on the other hand, it’s so hard walking out the door in the morning. Seeing their little faces, an occasional tear or plead for me to just stay a little longer, rips at my heart. They will only be this little for a little while. They need me. Nick is doing an amazing job on the days I work, but part of me still wants to be the one to do it all…everyday.

I suppose that because I’ve stayed home with them for the last 12 years, we both depend on each other. I feel so deeply bonded to my kids and I love that they want me and need me. It’s just so hard to know what the “right” thing to do is. I am fortunate, for the time being, that I only need to work part-time. There are only two mornings each week that I am not there to do ponytails and drop-offs. We are adjusting to our new routine, but it does feel like I am chasing squirrels a lot of the time. I hope they know that the reason I have chosen to return to work and pursue nursing is for them. I want to be the best me that I can be and I want to show them what it looks like to chase your dreams. I want to show them what it looks like to overcome, persevere, and not be afraid to go after what you feel called to do.

So while I may not have ducks, or a row…I have squirrels and, quite honestly, squirrels have way more fun than ducks. I choose to embrace our squirrel life.